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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes fruitless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed guide to the words this generation is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal habits indicating a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately kill any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {